my clandestine life

flaccid words scribbled on failing papers. love letters faltering over eraser smudges. there is a time and place for everything and yet the clock hasn’t shifted. slowly stalling until we’ve lapidified. long gone are the days flailing at keyboards, for connectivity instead of the daily crushing humiliation our mirrors subject us to. carpal tunnel retracts to atrophy. moss over grown circuitry. the strings you once pulled are dryrot and splintered. time desists when the heart gives up.

these shivers are more like quakes. i’m stunned. swaying. paralyzed from the heart down. there is a pressure crushing my ears. a dead ringing from your kiss. i’m bewildered and grasping for something to hold onto, however it’s months away. i will limp my adoration to you, wrapping it around me like a noose, to drop it at your feet. if only you’ll stand that still, for that long. 

my other day, i was able to block all good judgement and live in the moment. my rib cage pried open, split from sternum to abdomen. no thoughts just reaction and feeling. like taste buds overly stimulated the moment the sugar connects to your tongue. the way your face clenches when the sharpness slices your skin. i lived completely in the moment thankful and awstruck. i felt transformed no longer solid. like i’m leaking. the skin dripping off my fingertips. floating not falling down and then gliding across her collar bone. coming to rest inside her clavicle. finally she soaks me in.  these moments are hard to shake in the weeks after. longing for the shivers, and frightened of the consequences. the words ” i could do this for the rest of my life” crashed against your skin. i am left lying in their debris, clutching your ghost, and weeping from my wounds.

Cheers to my Valentines tonight. Vodka and internet porn.

am officially a weirdo. going to sleep while listening to the girl i have a crush on play video games at her house while streaming it on the internet. she has no idea i am listening to her. its super creepy i feel so weird about it……. yes of course i’m still listening.

oh charlie chaplin how i love thee

(via mooglets)

I would burn away all my beliefs to kiss your tears before they fell from your Jaw. ingesting your sadness. the sighs that blow past your gorgeous lips.ill suck them in, all the pain and trembles. A Sin eater devouring those haunts and scars. I’ll kiss your milky skin until you are whole again. Flawless and forgiven.

my best friend and i got matching cthulhu tattoos

my best friend in high school just defriended and blocked me for my profile picture. she disagrees with the Occupy Wall St. protest (she started working with the nyse this summer). we haven’t been close much in the past 10 years since she moved but talk a couple of times a month on fb. she is someone i love very much and would do almost anything to help.  all i did was post a picture with a nondescript tagline. which in her mind warranted an offensive msg and a complete disbanding of a 20 year friendship. so i applaud you Occupy Wall Street you are making a difference in a peaceful manner with an all-encompassing humanitarian goal. this instance now confirms my participation in the Occupy Dallas event.

My vegan dress shoes came in. From bourgeoisie boheme

(via zaynlannister)

meninthistown:

Nice to have a little fun with fashion sometimes. 

i want to make out with this pattern

(via fashioning-androgyny)

classic

(via galaxar)

anthonybila:

Menswear |

so  much texture